Just Because Support - Coming Out Stories

It was late April 1st when my mom start to go in to labor and all she was saying to herself was, "don't let this be a April fools baby." She gave birth to me at 12:01am April 2. That is all I can remember up to 5th grade.

I am 5 years old going in to kindergarten. I can remember going in learning my ABC's. I got to meet some new people. Don't really remember 1st grade, all I can remember is I got my nick name teddy bear. People still call me teddy bear.

I don't remember to much more until 6th grade. 6th grade is when I went in to boy scouts. This is also the year I meet John. I can remember going to boy scout camp. I first saw him and I could not talk. He walks up to me. I still remember the smell of him. The smell that was all around, was the green leaves.

This was by his first words to me. Hi my name is John. I said. "um, my name is um Josh." and I walked away. He was not in my troop at that time. I could not stop thinking about him for weeks.

Going in to 7th grade I had to switch troops in boy scouts. I did not want to because I had so much fun in my troop. So I went to this new troop walking in and the first person I saw was John. He smiled, I looked away. I sat at a table all by my self. Than the ignorant, Boy Scout master made me stand up and he introduced me to every one. I don't understand why people embarrasses people lol .
I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Then he made me sit down and of course the only seat that was open was by John. I did not talk to him that whole time I was there. Then the Boy Scout master said we where going on a camping trip that weekend. The Boy Scout master asks me if I was going, and of course my dad said yes.

So that weekend I went camping. John ask me if I wanted to share a tent with Him, and I smiled and said ya. So we set up our tent. He asks me how old I was?

I answered, "12" and I asked him how old you were? he said. "13,Then all the other kids are like you want to play some foot ball?" So me and john went and we all played foot ball, all the way til it got dark. then me and John went in to our tent.
John and I started wrestling around in the tent, and next thing I knew I kissed him. The first time I ever kissed some one, let alone, a guy.
His tender lips all on mine. I fell in loved that moment. Then John ask me, "Are we going out now?" I did not know what to say because I did not think it was possible to go out with a guy. I said. "is that right to do?" He looked at me and said, "Go with your heart" and he kissed me again. I said, "Yes I will." John was the first person I have ever dated.

I thought to myself, "is this for real?" All different feeling are going through my head.
All I could tell him was, "please don't tell any one." So me and john hung out for weeks and I was falling in love. About 4 to 5 mouths later, he called me and he tells me. "My mom is going out of town for a couple of days" and asked if I wanted to stay the night? So I went to his house. John asked me if I was hungry and I said, "Ya," so he ordered pizza. We rented a movie in his living room.

I still remember every thing about that room. How it looked, how it had a sweet smell to it. Me and john cuddle up next to each other after the pizza guy came and we ate pizza. We started to kiss and than he asks me if I wanted to go to his room? I said, "ya," so me and him went to his room. We started to wresting around and I loved cuddling up to him.

A couple of weeks latter we had another camping trip to go on. It was our summer camp. Me and john shard a same tent again. Lol

He was like the only one that talked to me in boys scouts in that troop. Me and john one day at boys scout camp went to take a shower and on the way back he grabbed my hand. I said, "No please not here." He got all mad at me and did not talk to me. I went in my tent.

It was dark tell he finally came in to our tent. I said Hi, he ignored me, I grabbed a hold of him and said, "Listen, I was like I don't want people to know yet, I am sorry." and I kissed him. He was like, what was that, all you had to say and I am sorry. And he kissed me and that night I lost my virginity. In the morning I woke up to go the beach and to see the sunrise and it was so sweet.

We looked at the sunrise and we ended up having sex again.

A while longer me and him were truly falling in love. For months we hung out and talk about all kinds of things.

Going in to 8th grade

My 8th grade year was bad, this was a sad year for me.

One day I stayed the night at John house, and his mom walked in on me and John having sex. She flipped out really bad and had him go to the living room. I stayed in his room, he came back in crying and he sat at his desk and started to write a letter. I asked if he was Ok? He said go to the living room, and I will be out there in a min. Then he came out within 15 minutes and he walked me home. When we got a block away from my house he grabbed me and I looked at him. We were facing each other. He said to me, "Josh I cant explain why but its in this letter. It explains every thing." He said, "I have to break up with you for now, we will be back together again someday." He walked home. I stood out side for like 15 minutes when I finally stop crying and shaking.

When I walk in the door after 30 minutes I got a phone call. Its john mother, she is crying and screaming at me on the phone. She said, "What did you do to John?" I said "I did nothing to your son." She says "He is dead!" I said, "There is no way he is dead. I just talked to him he can't be dead!" I ran as fast as I could to their house. I went right in to his room and I fell crying and I saw his body dangling there. ..... sorry cant talk about it any more.

After the funeral I could not take it, I could not stop crying. I spent weeks in my room all by my self could not talk to anyone.

Finally my aunt came over because I kept telling my family to leave me alone. She came in my room with out knocking, picked me up and put me in her car.

She said. "Shut up and lets go." Luckily i was dressed. She took me out to dinner, me and her talk for hours til the restaurant was closing. After that i stayed with her for a couple of weeks every thing was starting to get better. I went back to school.

9th grade

I still remember the first day of school. Everyone walked up to me and keep asking me if I was okay. As much as I loved it, I hated it.

I did not want to keep getting reminded about john.....

After a couple of mouths later, I tried to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. I remember the day as it was April 2 my birthday. I will never forget this day. My mom and dad did not care for me after this.... that is that, and I am not talking about it anymore. Sorry

A couple mouths later I was walking home and some guys walk up to me and start hitting me. I was crying and lucky my best friend pulled them off of me.

The next day I did not want to go to the home but my friend made me go. I took a knife in my pocket -- just in case if I got jumped again. I was sitting up in the stands and one of my friends passed me a smoke. I hit it and it was the best thing i have ever done. Next thing I know, a cop comes up to me and ask me to go with him. I got caught smoking and had a knife on me. I ended up getting kicked out of school for 1/2 a year.

In July after school was out my friend came over on July 16, it was a year and one day anniversary of Johns death. My friend made me go with her and so I did. I went to a party. I told her I did not want to be here anymore, but she liked the party.

I was like everywhere here on earth and I started to cry. She handed me some thing at that time I did not know what it was. I ask her what it was. She said "Think of it a as cigarette," so I did and I smoked it. I never felt any better. All my stress was gone. So i ask her the next day what it was I smoked and she said it was weed. I asked her where I can get more of it -- not even thinking what I was getting myself into.

10th grade

I could not believe I could not stop smoking. It got to the point where I was depressed. I didn't want to be here any more, I wish I could just die... i starting making a plan.... my friend came over I asked him is there anything stronger than this shit. And that is when I stared doing other things. Not going in to everything I did in my life that has gone down, but my life went down hill for a while. Then I stop going to school for a little while.

My teacher came over to my house knocked on my door. I was like "Hi, can I help u?" She asked me if I would go out to dinner with her. I was like sure. I was wearing a long sleeve shirt and pants. We went to dinner and she was talking to me, asking me why I have not been in school? I told her "I just had shit to do." I asked her, "Why she is all up in my business?"

This was on our way back out the restaurant, after we where done eating. I told her I had to go to the bathroom. I went in and she was standing outside the door.

I went in and shot up then the next thing I know I woke up in the hospital. I had an IV in me and woke up yelling "Where the fuck am I?" My teacher looked at me and asked if I was ok. I was like "Why am I here?" She said u passed out in the bathroom. She was like - Josh when did u start doing this? I told her "I don't want to be here, I miss John and I can't do this," then I stared to cry.

She held me. Next thing my mom and dad came into the hospital. They came in made sure I was ok and then left. My teacher said, "Everything is going to be ok. Trust me." Then this really cute kid who was in my class came in and said Josh I have been in your shoes. This is not going to be a good night and I would like to stay here overnight, if that is ok with you.

I said sure. That is when he told me his name was Garth. Me and him were talking and than my teacher said she was going home, and would be here first thing in the morning. I said good night to her, and she gave me a hug. Garth came and sat on my bed and me and him talk. Out of no where I started to puke then I started to shake, cry, and sweating. Garth grabbed a hold of me and yelled for a doctor, he would not let go. My fever broke after a while. That's when Garth said the hard part is over. After I got out of the hospital, Garth picked me up and I told him everything about me and John.

After a couple weeks he asks me out. We ended up having sex then he told me he loved me. This was a couple months after we were dating. I told him I cant do this. At that moment I know I could never fall in love again. Me and Garth still talk to this day. He even took me to Johns grave site July 15th.

11th grade

It was a hard year, I left all my druggy friends because I did not want to get involved with it again, I was down with it. Garth helped me meet a lot of my new friends and I keep in touch. Like Pam, she is like my besty. This year was easy I did not do any thing that I can really remember to much, so sorry guys. I was more trying to get all my credits back for high school.

12th grade

I graduated on time, I could not believe it,

Josh Founder and current CEO of Just Because Support